Part Four

The day he was scheduled for surgery, they couldn't find the hole, God had healed him. See, I told you there was a God who loved me. It was a very long 3 months plus days in the hospital. He had hernias, e-coli, wouldn't get off of the oxygen, x-rays, ultrasounds, and so many little things that my brain has forgotten. He still has scars on his hands and feet and ankles from all the IV's he had. There is a big scar on his side from where the nurse accidentally pulled his skin off taking off tape. But thank God there were no more middle of the night phone calls. I still had to juggle the rest of life too. I still had two kids at home, who were homeschooling. My power was shut off twice because I plain forgot to pay bills. I pumped milk. A lot of milk. I had milk for two and finally had to start dumping it because there was no where to store it and Josh was still getting enough. I got skinnyish. I had no time to eat. Not sure what my family ate. There are a lot of things I don't remember about that time. I do remember weighing every diaper. I remember holding him as long as they would let me. I remember fluffing his ears til the cartilage started to hold their shape. I remember Em singing to him and Ty being so gentle with him. I remember the staff being amazing and never wanting their job. I remember every ounce gained, bringing us one step closer to home. I remember other mommies making "that sound" that only a grieving parent makes.

We saw a lot of families come through during our 99 day stay. We saw a lot of babies come and go. There were babies with serious medical conditions, things I never even thought could happen. I saw a lot of marriages fall apart because of the stress of having a baby in a very expensive medical situation. How do you pick between leaving your baby for a week and keeping a job to pay for that babies needs? It is hard to take care of anyone when you are dealing with the pain of walking out without your little one. During this time, my husband was my rock. He held us together and let me spend as much time as I needed with my baby. He also reminded me when I needed to take care of other things as well as myself. He did all the hard stuff so I didn't have to. We were able to mourn together and celebrate together. He didn't spend as much time in the hospital. Being in the medical field, he knew too much and couldn't just enjoy being with the baby, he was always reading charts and watching monitors and looking at Josh clinically.

When we finally did get to bring him home, the tension didn't really end. He had survived. He weighed five pounds and was the cutest little bug you ever did see. Trying to get that little body safe in a carseat was pretty difficult. Once I got him in the house, I didn't want to ever take him back out. And I watched him, like a hawk. I was afraid he would stop breathing, or that he would catch something or not grow enough or develop the way he was supposed to or go blind or deaf.....But none of that happened. He is perfect in every way. For a long time he was way below the growing curve, but he is starting to catch up. He is no longer the smallest thing in any of the classes he takes or in his group of friends. He does have the tell tale smashed head that a lot of micro-premies have. We went to one hospital "reunion" and boy could you tell who was a premie. They all had long narrow heads from always lying on their sides, not being able to develop the roundness in womb.

Praise God we are a family.

So that is the tale of his beginnings. He was born in a toilet and can only go up from there.