Twenty Years!

There have been a lot of firsts in 20 years. Our first home, our first child, our first death, our first time out of country together, our first family trip on a plane, our first dream, our first time worshiping God together, our first garden, our first trip to the ocean, our first sorrow, our first....

But my favorite first is the first day of the rest of my life with my sweetheart. Twenty seems like such a big number, but it seems like just yesterday that we chose eachother. I'm excited to see what other firsts we have in the next 20 years.


The answer to my prayers, God made us for eachother.

Wasteland

Defining moments. I have thought many times, but for the grace of God, there go I.

This afternoon the kids and I watched a documentary called Wasteland. It is about the "pickers" in the garbage dump in Rio de Janeiro. There are a whole group of people who go through the garbage as it is dumped and pick out the recyclables. These they sell it for next to nothing to support themselves and their families. There is an artist, Vic Muniz, that goes to create art and highlight these people. During the course of the movie, the viewer learns about a handful of people who are "pickers" and their plight. Amazing movie. At the end, the artist says, "It could have been me. I could have ended up just like these people." (That's my paraphrase.)

Now of course, with any movie about a dump, there is a message about how much we throw away and how much we waste and take for granted. There is message about finding beauty and self worth through the garbage. It shows how the human spirit can shine even in the worse of circumstances.

My kids didn't complain about washing the dishes after seeing that children start at 7 and 8 years old working in the garbage. They saw what a privileged life we lead, even if it isn't the life of the rich and famous. They also saw how being able to give large amounts of time and money makes a huge difference. I hope they learned to value all people, no matter how "dirty" they may seem.

I got a deeper message for myself. But for the grace of God. I was there. I was in the yuck of the world and living a messy life. I didn't see my value. I made choices that led me down paths that I should have never been on. I can say it wasn't my fault. There were others that helped me and made me. But the truth is, there was always a small voice deep in my heart that said, "This is wrong, you are better than this. You deserve more than this." But still I made choices.

There are things that I regret. There are people I am sure I have hurt along the way. There are things I will never share with my children. I am ashamed and sorry. I am also forgiven.

When in a dark, dark place that I thought at the time was light, Jesus came to me and said, "You are mine, you don't belong here." Just as clear as day and as if He stood right before me, He spoke to me. I wish I could say that I turned to Him right then and there, but I didn't. It took many more trials and tribulations before I totally submitted to Him.

Now I have given myself to Him, submitted my whole self to Him, call and treat Him as my Lord. I follow His laws to the best of my ability. I see my value and my worth through His eyes. I know that as ugly as life was, I am forgiven. I am not proud of what I did. I don't look back on those times with fond memories. Yes, they made me who I was, but I wasn't good. It is the blood of Christ that makes me who I am today. Clean and free to follow the path He showed me how to walk.

Thank you Lord, for always waiting for me, when I made those choices and they defined who I was. I thank you for allowing my greatest defining moment be when I asked You into my heart and You loved me enough to come into it and cleanse me and make me new. Thank You for showing me that my value was more than the world said, than people said, than I believed.

There was a change in the people who were in this movie. Becoming part of this challenge changed how they saw themselves. They saw that they could be more and that they could be proud of who they were.

Thank you God for showing me the same.