Rollercoaster

I'm starting to think there is no such thing as normal anymore. I'm thinking we are just going to have to live on a rollercoaster. Thing is rollercoasters can be really fun. There are the long anticipating parts that are just all work and waiting and then there are the steep turns and loopdy doops that go fast but have you screaming with joy! Well here we go on the long anticipating part.

We have had some little up and downy parts that make life interesting. Like, Mom's sugar and blood pressure are under control and she is doing well with dialysis, but now she has gout. Which hurts a lot and makes her grumpy. But incase you were wondering, she is doing much better and starting to get back to her old self. Please keep praying for her, that her kidney functions continue to improve and that her spirits stay up. It can be depressing to go from totally independent to mostly dependent.

My kids are AMAZING!!! Have I said that before? They are doing so well, schooling themselves and helping their sibs out. The house is always mostly clean or real close to it. They are so dang funny, they make me smile everday. It is fun having mature humor, not "mommy why do ducks quack?>>>Because the orange is moldy.....hahahahahah" Yeah, don't miss the weird joke phase.

I see them becoming more independent, and I'm happy for that, yet a little sad too. But mostly happy.

And other decisions and commitments have been made that are going to be exciting, more on that later. Just know that having sick family without financial freedom sucks! We can moan or we can do something about it. After being smacked in the head by God and a dear friend, we are doing something about it. This feels like the first part of the downy part of a rollercoaster, where your stomach first comes up in your throat and you know it is going to be fun, and your mouth is open to scream but the sound hasn't quite made its way out yet, but your arms are up in the air ready for the ride of your life. Yeah, that's where I am.

Good Weekend

The last week was as busy as I thought it was going to be. Getting up at 5:30 am is not my idea of fun. I sure am praying that those kidneys kick in. I've never been so excited to hear about a grown woman peeing ^.^. But it is back to dialysis in the morning.

I did get the weekend off. It allowed me to spend some special time with a dear friend. I helped, with a myriad of her friends from all walks of her life, to honor her mother at a memorial service. It is easy to see where she got her kindness and sense of duty. It sounds like she is the spitting image of her mom who will be missed by many.

It made me think a bit too. Not only about how much I love my own mommy and dread the day that the Lord takes her, may it be years and years from now, but also what kind of legacy will I be leaving for my children. With my mom in law I have learned that I need to get rid of a bunch of my junk and be more organized. Trying to find things isn't always easy. She is a pack rat. So am I. Different stuff, but still a pack rat. I hope that I am teaching my children to be strong and compassionate and to do what is pleasing to the Lord.

I also got the chance to do some sewing. I bought a second sewing machine last weekend. On sale of course. It sews like a dream. I was able to finish the girls layered skirts by zig zagging all the layers and making another skirt from a pair of old jeans. It came out pretty cute too, even if it isn't what I envisioned when I started. I've seen a lot of things on different blogs that I want to sew. I have found it very satisfying to sew lately. I think it is because I can see a finished product. With all that is in flux around here, it is good to see something done.

Cleaning the Toilet

Self image is a funny thing. It is influenced by so many things and people. I know in many ways, mine is better than it was growing up. I had always felt and was told how fat I was and that I should only wear my hair a certain way or wear certain styles of clothes. I have always been a little clumsy, okay, a lot clumsy and laughed at a lot and so I didn't do a lot of things because of that. As I have gotten older, I don't have as many influences on my self image. My sweetheart loves me so thoroughly that I actually have more confidence than ever before. As I have become closer to God, I see myself more clearly. My latest challenge though has to do with serving dear mom in law. I am doing it. But I don't like it. At all. I whine about it all the time. I am being told how awesome I am by my supporters and I don't feel like I am. It is a job. Like cleaning the toilet. I don't do it to bless anyone or because I do it as unto the Lord or I am called to it or anything noble like that. I'm doing it cuz the toilet is dirty and needs to be done. It is my job. If someone else would do my job, I would let them gladly! But just like the toilet, the only other one to do it is my sweetheart, and he just isn't always available. And just like the toilet, I am training my kidos to do it, but they just don't always get it right. And unlike the toilet, I can't just ignore it til company comes. So, I know what I'm doing is a good thing, and I am working on my attitude about it, but I sure don't feel awesome.

Tired

I have 4 kids that were under the age of 5 at one time. I took them to doctor appointments, bathed them, fed them, played with them, put them to sleep, dressed them, did their teeth, did lots and lots of hair and still don't remember being as tired as I am now just taking care of one little old lady part time. Maybe the key phrase is don't remember. Maybe it is because I am no spring chicken. Maybe it is because I'm still taking care of those kids, a young woman and a husband on top of the little old lady. But I am tired today. My mind is still seeing all the things that need to be done, but I'll be darned if I can get this old body of mine to get up and go.

I am continually awed and amazed by my children who have taken over so many of my duties here at the house. The middle stays pretty clean, the edges are starting to creep in though and I may need to do some deep cleaning here so that it doesn't get too out of hand. I'll look into that tomorrow^.^

I am also grateful for an awesome sweetheart who forces me to take naps and to just say no sometimes and who doesn't care about the edges.

Mom in law is continuing to get better every day. She is still convinced she just has asthma. Some times it just isn't worth the fight. I would guess that congestive heart failure does feel a bit like asthma. As long as she keeps taking her meds, I'll be happy. So far she has only balked at that once and I was able to talk her into taking them. I think as her confidence gets better, she will be okay. I watched her carry her walker through the kitchen because the sound of it dragging was irritating her. That is a pretty good sign to me. I don't think it will be long til she is out running the streets again.

She is Home

WOW! A month. That is how long we spent in the hospital. Actually, it was a couple more days than a month. In the whole scheme of life, it was a brief time, but in the living, it was forever. We rode a train of craziness for couple of weeks there. Mom in law ended up in the ICU and it was pretty scary for a while. We also had to get a little tough and sometimes ugly to get all that she needed done, done. That is not where I like to live, but sometimes, they really got my momma bear going. Now she is home and talking to her today, she doesn't remember a bunch of it. That is a blessing. I remember every minute of the roller coaster ride. Even today as we were trying to get her out, we had to push and push just to get the discharge papers signed. But she is home.

The ride isn't quite over yet. She will have some major life changes to make. One thing is dialysis three times a week until her kidneys kick back in. That can take up to a month. We are still praying that they will and soon. She will have to get used to take a bunch of new meds on a pretty regular schedule. Her diet is going to be totally regulated and changed. That could be tough. But she is home.

We had to rearrange her house and get her some medical equipment. I am hoping that now that she is home she will want to get stronger faster. Nothing like being in your own kitchen and bathroom to make you want to take care of your own self. I don't think it will be long until we have to move it all back and get rid of all that equipment and deal with the arguing as to why we lost or stole or broke or messed up all her stuff. Eighty one years of stuff. But she is home.

My phone will still be my constant companion as she figures out her new life. I will still have to spend a lot of time taking care of her. In some ways even more. I am praying that again, it will only be for a short time.